The past two months, I have had the pleasure of being the center of multiple social faux-pas, none of which I had any control over. For instance, at Christmas dinner with my husband's parents, my hand got stuck for a few minutes in "the claw," relaxed, and found itself more comfortable flipping the bird to my table of in-laws. It looked sort of like this:
Now, of course, I did what any sensible person would do...try to hide it. But you can only hide your dominate being stuck in such a precarious position for so long. Lucky for me, everyone thought it was incredibly funny. So no harm, no foul.
It all started with my hand getting stuck with my pointer finger and thumb struggling to work together. (And there I was, cheering them on "C'mon guys, you can do it!") Numbness in my right arm that wouldn't go away. The dropsies. I did what the docs told me...had x-rays and was worked up for Rheumatoid Arthritis. No joy. Lyme Disease? Nope. Lupus? Always possible.
Then, there the tip-toe walking started. I literally couldn't put my heels down as I was walking. This would only last a few minutes, same as my hand getting stuck. Now, I just look ridiculous! But, I had my labs drawn, visited my doc a few more times and she gives me a referral to Neuro. The hope is that this isn't MS or ALS (the latter of which is in my family). The earliest appointment was five weeks. Seriously? FIVE WEEKS???
In the meantime, I had a CT Scan and an MRI, both of which came back clean as a whistle. (Phew! But, um...where's the explanation for my odd symptoms?)
So, I did what any concerned and embarrassed 30 year old mother and wife would do. I stalked their asses from the time my Neuro referral was approved. No, I didn't sit outside the office, drinking coffee and peeing into the empty container later. I called them. Everyday. I asked to be put on their cancellation list. I still called. (I was totally that annoying patient that has absolutely no patience but is really nice all at the same time.)
THEN, I started having episodes of staring off into space, being non-communicative and violently shaking. Okay. We all know what the medical term for this is, but we won't talk about that...at least until I have been to the ER three days before Christmas. Because if anyone in the medical field so much as utters that word, driving is out.
I got a call one week in that there was a cancellation at Neuro...I was in! I made the arrangements for my husband to meet me there. I went to the hospital to get my medical records. Sitting there, I had "the claw" happen...okay, a little awkward. Then, my face looked like this:
Pinched-face just isn't appealing...it's not my thing. I texted a picture to my husband and he instructed me to go to the ER. He's thinking I'm having a stroke. I go to the ER and cannot speak to anyone because what you can't see is that my jaw is locked shut as well as this beautiful lip thing my mouth was doing. Drooling was evident. So, I start scribbling a note to the nurse that came to the front desk to see me. I call my husband so he can explain what's wrong. Then, as sudden as it started, it stopped. I was able to speak and tell them what was wrong. The nurse sent me on my way, saying go to my Neuro appointment.
Upon getting to Neuro, I had two more instances of tip-toe walking and jaw lock with that pleasant look that makes me want to laugh every time I see it. But, control, Sara...you must have control of yourself. Neuro worked me up, asked me all sorts of questions...yes, I have been losing words in the middle of speaking, tingling in my extremities, extreme fatigue. Ouch! Those spots on my shoulders hurt, as do the ones in my hips and knees. He ordered a few tests.
Lucky for me, they were able to schedule these tests two days later and I left the office looking like this:
Doesn't look so bad from the front, but from the back, you would see I had twenty-something wires cemented to my skull. After having the sleep-deprived EEG and being hooked up to my 24-hour monitoring EEG, I was hungry!!! So, I did the rational thing...had a lovely lunch out with my husband at our local 5 Guys. It was delicious, complete with stares and mouths agape. I know, I looked like Frankenstein's bride whom had just been run over by a bus. But, I was a hungry lady. Gotta do what you gotta do. Sorry, people eating at 5 Guys in Springfield that day. You just had to suffer uncomfortably while it took me fifteen minutes to eat my lunch.
Now, we wait...about two weeks for the test results. Oh, did I mention we've gone from "muscle spasms with posturing" as the Neuro has called them to full blown I'm-Lucky-I-Haven't-Pissed-Myself-Yet convulsions. They usually only last a few minutes. I hear everyone around me. I just can't talk, unless you consider random tics and guttural noises communicative. Then, maybe I'll just digress to cave woman status. My body randomly shakes, twists and convulses. I am out of control.
So, now, I live my life with the occasional interruption of hanging out on the floor. I'm still Sara. I'm in here. I just look like "a zombie dying" as my son so eloquently stated during one of my "muscle spasms" in the car.
...Oh, and don't worry. I gave up driving about a week before I was officially told not to when I was diagnosed with having "seizures" in the hospital. Perhaps, tomorrow I'll tell you about that story. But for right now, all I can say is Welcome 2013!
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