Isolating vs. Honoring Self

It's all a matter of perspective, really.

I had about a two hour time frame last night that was rough. I was beat and I awoke this morning with sore muscles and little energy. I had a Spouse's Club connection meet-up mid-morning and had a ride set up.

My struggle...to go or not to go. If I stayed home, it would potentially mean a morning of yoga pants and scrapbooking. If I went to Panera to meet up with other local spouses, I'd have the chance to get out of the house for a bit and connect with people.

However, these very people, very sweet and kind, are not like my friends who know about my medical situation. In turn, it means outing myself to them. Also, I'd have to get a little dressy, go to a potentially loud, bright place and be in fear of having an episode in public without the comfort of someone knowing what to do.

I know what you're thinking...Educate them. Don't fall victim to being afraid of being judged. But, I'm just not in that mind set this morning. I'm in more of a place of, let the heating pad be my friend. Allow my brain to enjoy the peace of my bedroom (which is currently the most tranquil it has been in a while since that pile of ironing that was gracing my chair is completed). Less stress, more relaxing.

I found myself requesting the assistance of my good friend, Kay (a fellow rest-in-bed type), and Brent. Kay took the approach of telling me to ask myself a few introspective questions about how I would feel tomorrow about missing the event, etc. Very wise, Kay. I like the way your mind works. Brent was of the "the more stress you endure in the morning, the worse you'll feel later" camp. After weighing my options, I realized that missing this outing today could do more damage than good.

I decided to stay home. Some may say that I chose to isolate myself from the outside world, being as it is the third day since I've left my house. (Yes, I did just have to look at my calendar on my phone to figure out when I had actually left the house...Pause for a second...I may have to do something about that.)

But, I want to look at it as I have chosen to honor myself. I have chosen to listen to my body, in all of its weakness and pain. I have chosen to feel comforted in my home, where right now, my mind does not feel like there is a ping pong game happening inside of my head (like there was last night...). I have chosen to put my family first- the more energy I conserve during my day today, the more likely I am that I will be able to enjoy their company tonight.

And, tomorrow is another day. I go to my Neurologist. So, I will leave the house. Just not today.